I’m fine…really

Since my dad passed away, it’s been really hard for me to run. He was my running partner. We used to text each other while we were both at work that we ran at lunch. Shared laughs and emojis about how hot it was (neither one of us liked running inside on a treadmill).

My dad was an Airborne Army Ranger. Running was second nature to him. He was a Florida boy, and go out running at the hottest time of the day. It never bothered him. He loved running for an hour a day, usually 6 miles or so. So naturally, when I asked him to help me train running, he was on board. He was a huge motivator for me to keep getting after it everyday, and never to give up.

He shared the Army officer life with me. Both of us chose this path, and it was something we always made jokes about. He understood all the lingo and all the tasks I was learning how to do. Always made sure I knew the 4 fundamentals of shooting everytime I was heading to the range. So when I heard he died doing what he loved, I could at least be at peace about that.

Through this 2 and 1/2 year journey of making excuses why I couldn’t go running today, and procrastinating my progress, I’m learning that I’m the only one holding myself back. My dad would have my ass to be honest if he heard any of my excuses. I’m not perfect, and I miss the texts about our workouts. But I can’t let the loss hold me back forever.

Today, I ran for the first time in a while where I didn’t worry about speed. I didn’t worry about my next Army PT test. I ran for fun. And it felt good. It’s good to get back into the swing of things. I’m following a running plan to get me back up to speed after spraining my ankle in December last year.

I’ve been telling everyone I’m fine…really. But am I? Will I ever be? Some people say no, you never do get over it. Some people say it gets better. Do I want it to get better? Should I keep some of the heartache with me to remind me of how much he was apart of my life? I’m not sure what to feel next about his loss, or how long until I can see his picture and not fight back some tears. It’s hard. But I am done letting it affect my last goal I’m trying to reach. I’ve been able to attain everything I wanted to in life except being happy with my PT test score. I’m threw being disappointed. My fitness level and my muscle tone is the last thing I want to improve about myself. I’m ready for this change. Not just for a month, but for my new lifestyle. Making sure to adopt this new way of life. I’m excited for the adventure, the hard work and the results.

This is for me, but for my dad to. He was a honor to have as a dad, and I’m ready to keep making him proud as his daughter. I’m ready dad, let’s go for a run 🙂