To share, or not to share

Now that I’ve had some solid time to myself, I feel like I’m getting things back on track. I’m exercising and following a plan, I’m going for my masters in the spring, and really just taking my life back for me. It’s upsetting thinking that this whole time I was living up to society’s ideals for me, and taking care of other people more than myself.

Everyone’s ideals had me married with kids by now. I’m not even close to that. And I’m sooo happy about it.

I’m not opposed to finding someone in the future to share my life with. But that’s a lot of responsibility. I don’t know if I’m quite ready for that anymore, because I need to keep working on myself. If I find someone, I won’t turn them away, but I’m not actively looking.

I tear up when I see weddings and people starting their families. It’s so sweet to see love manifested in real life or on screens. I wonder if it’ll happen for me. I do want a life partner, someone to travel and laugh with, someone to have intellectual conversations with, someone to be imitate with who genuinely cares for me. I see that love in those couples’ eyes, and hope it’ll happen to me one day. But I’ve got a lot of work to do before I get there.

We’ll see who’s out there. I always question are my standards too high? But then I say no, because it’s literally what I bring to the table. Lol so it can’t be, otherwise I wouldn’t exist. Stability, honesty, integrity, passion, compassion for others, kindness, laughter, dedication, attraction, intelligence, agile thinker, quick on their feet… now that I look at it, it’s quite the standard. But I meet all those things….it can’t be that hard right?

I’m going to keep working on the last flaw I have, my physique and overall stamina, and once I have that, I’ll have everything in myself that I desired to be. When I was younger, I just wanted to be successful, beautiful, smart, truthful, compassionate and considerate of others. I’m almost there. After that, we’ll see who comes around, when I’m where I want to be, not where someone else told me I should be.