Random thoughts

The idea of love is far fetched. Meeting someone to spend the rest of your life with, and never wanting anyone else seems kind of unrealistic. At least when you’re a kid anyways. As you age, your grow and change into someone you weren’t. In the last 5 years, I’ve changed drastically.

If I were with the guy I was dating at 18, he might like me still, maybe. I’ve grown tougher, more cynical, less trusting, more brash in opinions. But I’ve also grown stronger, independent, financially and mentally capable, and resilient.

Ah yes, resilience. Something that takes time to achieve. The beautiful and unfathomable art of getting back on your feet after being kicked down so hard you’re bleeding. How I’ve attained the mindset of “just keep going” surprises me every time. I just keep going.

Not everyone can handle a personality like mine, but I’m ok with that. I’m very positive, which is not off putting to some, but very short when it comes to excuses and dishonesty. I’m not for all people.

Sometimes people think I’m too loud, or too silly. But those are my favorite parts about me. I trust myself, I embrace who I am. I’m happy to be here, living what I see as my most positive self. I enjoy my time, laugh harder than I have at 21 years old. I see the true beauty of friendship and see past the bullshit of others trying to get something from you.

But to be with someone, from where I was to where I am now, what a roller coaster. I’m very glad I have yet to find someone who I consider husband material. Thought I did a couple times, but that was when I didn’t know who I was first. Now that I know, I can.

But that has me think again, who will I be in 10 years? Will they want to stick around? Would I want to? Guess I’ll have to find someone and find out who grows with me. We can grow together. I’ll just have to see if love is as far fetched as I think it is. Can two people possibly grow with each other and still live like they did on year 1? Maybe it won’t be so hard to believe since I’ve already made it to almost 30. We’ll see.