This thing called life

I’ve been doing some soul searching the past week. It’s been very fruitful, and I’ve come to some realizations.

It was my Dad’s birthday yesterday. He would have been 63 this year. I’m sure he would have still looked exactly the same as what I remember him; smiling and running everyday like always. I think about what he would have accomplished in the almost 4 years he’s been gone, and where we would have went to dinner for his special day. It probably would have been his favorite place; a small family owned pizza place, 5 minutes away from our family’s house. He loved the pizza there; it was simple. He just enjoyed being around us, it didn’t have to be fancy.

He probably would have been a millionaire by now. He would have created his famous Ranger game on an app and sold tons of games. He would have created more concepts for more games, worked at his electrical engineering job making great money and taking care of my mom. He would have seen his daughter take an army command position and serve in it for the 2 years it’s requires. He would have been to the gun range with me and taught me how to shoot better than what he already had. He would have seen me make the toughest decisions of my life, and live to see another day.

But unfortunately, we didn’t get to experience or see any of those things together. We have to do it apart. I am stronger knowing he’s not there to call, and I have to do this thing called life without his help.

I’ve also wondered about having to do it without a partner. I’ve had some men who’ve wanted to be with me, some who haven’t. But I feel the right person has not come along for me yet. And they might not ever. I’ve been studying the Bible with my army chaplain assigned to my unit. She has been so wonderful to take time out of her week and spend a day with me researching and discussing what it says. (It’s always been a goal to read it so I can determine my faith myself, not have anyone else tell me what to believe).

The passages we read this week mentioned that we should remain single. We don’t have to get married. Society has taught us to marry, have children, and shoot for the house with the white picket fence. My mind has always thought that’s what I should aim for…but is that the right target? I’m starting not to think so. There’s more to life, there’s more to do. I’m not demeaning having a family and being married, but I’m starting to understand it’s not for everyone. It makes me feel less pressured to find someone, and just focus on myself.