turninglifespaiges

Well, another new year. More experience to gain, more insight to learn, and more opportunities to take.

I’ve shed some people within the past year that have really shaped myself as a person for the last decade. I had a friend who was never truly there for me and letting a dark secret follow her to the grave. I’ve had a past significant other, tell me I was never skinny enough and use me for support looking for enablement for his problems. I’ve also had someone who took out his selfishness out on an innocent soul may she Rest In Peace.

Today, someone attempted gas lighting me back into his troubles. He blamed me for his deeper dive back into drinking and how because I told him he wasn’t done with alcohol, I ripped him apart. And yet, he said he was done with drinking until I said what I said. I’d been associated with this individual going on almost a decade, and he’s been struggling with substance abuse for longer than I’d known him. It’s a very hard battle, and I take substance abuse and seeking those to get help very seriously. It unfortunately runs in my family and I’ve had a great deal of experience with being on the family member side of the fight.

Enablement is a slippery slope. Once something is allowed, it’s almost impossible to contain or eliminate from behaviors. He attempted to quit drinking for somewhere around the 7th time and had a slip. I told him he wasn’t done drinking yet.

After he spoke to me he went in a deeper spiral than before and shunned me out of his life. Just tonight he addressed it with me after not talking to me for months and unfriending me on Facebook. He said I was a terrible friend. I won’t get into the details of our conversation, but in the end he wrote me off sending a cursed message to end the conversation.

The whole reason I was happy having him out of my life was precisely for discussions like we had tonight. He’d get into drunken fights with me verbally and then block me. Then wake up the next day mad I didn’t text him, but it because I was blocked and he’d forgotten he blocked me. My life has been so much more positive and productive not letting anyone negative suck my soul dry of having to tend to forever wilting flowers. I could water them forever, but without sunlight, they still won’t grow.

I cannot stress how important moving forward from negativity is. For I will sleep soundly tonight and pray for him and his family he finds the sunlight he needs. I still wish him a happier journey, but he’s got to let himself have it, and stop standing in his own way.

If a person is really done with drinking, nothing anyone could say will sway their path. Same can be said for the opposite, which is where I stand. I will not enable people, I will not be their excuse. As a true friend, I will hold my friends accountable for what they tell me and what goals they want to achieve. I expect the same from my fiancé, family and friends.

Here’s to 2021 my friends. We cannot look backwards, only forward. Do things that have been on your checklist. Go on adventures, do what you’ve always wanted to. Be accountable. Seize your days. Your future is up to you.