turninglifespaiges

Hi there! It’s been a while. As expected of a life as a new mom, I haven’t had time or remember to post in a while. Comes with the territory I suppose.

Our baby is almost ready to turn one and I’ve learned so much along this journey. Let me share with you somethings I feel like no one talks about during the first year of parenthood.

1. A lot of mommy instincts come innately, like they’re supposed to. Trust your instincts mama, you know more than you think you do. Like what they’re crying about…there really are different cries and you’ll learn them pretty quick. You know what your baby needs, just trust yourself.
2. GO TO SLEEP. I had a little trouble with this in the beginning. I was so worried about how my daughter was doing, checking on her constantly (those every 10 minute “are you still breathing?” checks). Most babies are completely fine when sleeping as long as you follow the safety guideline recommendations…so go to sleep. You need it.
3. Speaking of sleep, in the first couple weeks, you don’t really sleep. You go into a trance where you are constantly listening for a baby cry, and can hear phantom cries when you’re baby is just fine. It’s normal, sleep…or trance when you can. I do love the baby cam we have so I can check on her from my bed without having to get up now that she sleeps in her crib, but just keep them next to you in a bassinet with see-through sides so you can see without having to get up.
4. You and your partner’s communication is the MOST IMPORTANT when you start this journey together. There was a lot of times where I would get super frustrated on how things were going while we were learning our groove.
   • We first tried doing shifts where I do the night shift and he’d do the day shift when we were both on leave from work. I ended up hating this arrangement, because when I was “off”, I never was truly off. I couldn’t sleep cause I was thinking about her, pumping, the chores, and postpartum blood pressure meds that were 5 times a day. It became super stressful, and I was getting bitter about the arrangement.
   • I also didn’t even breastfeed because I couldn’t handle being the only one who could feed our baby. That was a lot of pressure for me that I’d always have to be the one up with her and never getting a complete break. It might sound selfish, but when you’re running at like a 20% energy level, rest is needed, not just wanted.
   • There were also some days where I see him peacefully sleeping and be super mad that he was sleeping and I was up, because I never truly had an off period. I started quantifying how many times I performed a chore and compared our workloads, which isn’t what I wanted for either of us. It’s a team, and I didn’t want to continue feeling this way. Fortunately I said to my husband, I’m mad, angry and this isn’t working, and he happily offered alternate solutions for our schedule.
   • We ended up going to an every other wake up window, were we alternated getting up with her, and that worked the best for us. I still woke up when she cried, but my husband would get up with her and I could fall back asleep. I felt way more rested than before, and I was so happy I said something to him about it.
   • Tell each other when you’re frustrated, or feeling off. Talk about what’s working and what’s not, and talk regularly. I’m so glad I have the partner I have, who was willing and ready to work through things with me. Things are much better now that we found our groove, and things are more even. We alternate bath nights, feedings, and it really helps one person not be the primary caregiver. Also keeps both of us in the know with her habits, and growth milestones, together.
5. Breastfeeding is really hard. I commend all those mommies who stick with it, but no one talks about how hard it is…the pumping, the schedule, the healing…its a lot. I made it for about three weeks, but was supplementing with formula the whole time. I ended up discontinuing to preserve my mental health, and I don’t regret it at all. My baby is doing just fine, being formula fed. My husband also got to feed her and develop his and her relationship, and take some of the work and mental load off me. Don’t feel guilty if breastfeeding doesn’t work out, its not as easy as it seems.
6. I learned that I took on a lot of the mental load and did not ask for help, just assuming it was my job…assembling and organizing the baby documents, creating the changing table station, organizing and establishing routines…I felt so overwhelmed for the first couple of months and felt like I was the only one doing things. Of course my husband was helping with the baby, but all the rest felt like it was on me. Remember, you don’t have do to EVERYTHING….ASK your partner FOR HELP with all those things. Don’t try to take it all on yourself. Ever since I communicated to him how I was feeling, he’s really helped me unload everything from just me and it’s been so great.
7. Baby clothes – adorable right? Well, for those of you wondering what sizes to by, let me help you out. There are clothes that say 3 months, and some clothes that say 0-3 months…guess what… those are the same size. If you wait till 3 months to wear the 3 month size, you’re too late and they won’t fit into that adorable outfit you planned for them to wear. Put your 0-3 month and your 3 month clothes in the same drawer, you’re welcome. lol
8. And don’t feel bad about using a sound machine. I think I have the ultimate hack on this one. I suggest using the rain sound for when your baby sleeps. We live in Florida where it often storms, and now my baby sleeps right through it, since she sleeps to rain already. GENIUS! Not gonna lie, gave my husband a big pat on the back for that one!

I learned a lot about myself throughout the last year. Mom guilt is a thing, but I’ve learned how and when to take breaks for me. Breaks and rest are indeed needed to be fully 100% for your kids, so don’t feel like you’re being selfish. If you need that Starbies as a little treat, get it! If you need 5 minutes to yourself, put your baby in a safe place and take it! They’ll be just fine, and you’ll will be too.

I was used to a lifestyle of being an independent woman, doing things and succeeding by myself. I have learned if you spend the time picking the right partner, you can open up and rely on them for help. Now I don’t know what I’d do without him. 🙂 I love my little family, and am so grateful for my husband. I’m not saying it’s impossible to do it on your own, but I wouldn’t be where I am today without him.

Hopefully this insight can help anyone on their future journey 🙂 Good luck!