turninglifespaiges

It’s weird to think all I ever knew would change when someone left my life forever. All I ever knew was what I thought I wanted; I expected to be married with kids by 29, a house with a white picket fence, being a mom. Everything’s changed. I’ve changed.

I now see the fragile timeline before me, and how it can change in an instant. How someone smiling face one day, can be gone the next. Then scrambling to find some kind of communication, a voicemail or text they left behind, so you can hear their voice, one last time.

I never understood loss, not before then. And I don’t think anyone can, until they go through it.

Kind of like going through a serious injury. I won’t know what’s it like unless I go through it. I can only imagine. I would be questioning my existence at that point.

I’ve always been so busy; multitasking like crazy to keep my brain busy. And to have it ripped away? I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I’ve been seeing videos online of traumatic events that happen to people lately. I wouldn’t even know where to start trying to heal. There’s so much involved… so much to rebuild…

All I can do is stand and be grateful for all the time, talents, and gifts God has bequeathed to me so undeservingly. I feel like I could always do more to give back.

Time is like a looking glass. So beautiful yet so fragile. You look right through it to see past it, but forget to appreciate what’s right in front of you. Until it breaks, and it’s gone forever to never be replaced. It can never be mended to be the same, it will always be cracked.

I am forever changed. No longer that happy go lucky girl. I’m still happy, but way more realistic, appreciative, and sensitive to the time we have. For I will not break my looking glass with anyone else again. I’ll see clearly out of mine, so it will never be time wasted, ever again.